Why Transitions Are One of the Hardest Moments in a Child’s Day

(And why it’s not just “being difficult”_

A moment many of us know well

It’s that in-between part of the day. You’ve just said, “Okay, time to stop,” or “We’re leaving now,” or “Shoes on, please.” And suddenly your child—who was mostly fine five minutes ago—is crying, yelling, freezing, or arguing about something that feels wildly out of proportion.

You look at the clock. You’re late. You’re tired. And a small voice in your head wonders, Why is this so hard?

If this is you, you’re not alone. Many of us in Jakarta—two working parents, single parents, caregivers juggling everything—find that transitions are where the day unravels.

What transitions really ask of kids

On the surface, a transition sounds simple: stop one thing, start another.

But for kids aged 6–12, transitions quietly ask for a lot all at once:

• Stop what you’re doing

• Shift attention

• Let go of something you like (or feel safe doing)

• Remember what comes next

• Move your body into a new space or role

• Manage big feelings about all of the above
  

That’s a lot—especially at the end of a long day.

So when kids struggle during transitions, it’s often not about attitude. It’s about capacity.

Naming the feelings (for them—and for us)

Transitions tend to bring up a mix of feelings for kids:

• Frustration when something ends too soon

• Anxiety about what’s next

• Sadness or anger over “losing” an activity

• Overwhelm from switching gears
  

And for us as parents?

• Exhaustion (“I don’t have it in me for another battle.”)

• Guilt (“Why am I snapping over shoes?”)

• Worry (“Is this normal?”)

• Overload (“Everyone needs something right now.”)
  

If this sounds familiar, you’re not failing. You’re parenting through one of the trickiest moments of the day.

5 gentle experiments that can make transitions feel softer

These aren’t rules. They’re ideas you could try and see what fits your family.

1) Give a “heads-up window”

One option is letting kids know a transition is coming before it happens.

Why it might help:Sudden stops can feel like a shock. A little warning gives their brain time to prepare.

Try saying:

• “In five minutes, we’ll start getting ready to leave.”

• “Two more minutes, then we’re switching.”

Make it easier on low-energy days:Use a timer or phone alarm so you don’t have to keep track or repeat yourself.

2) Acknowledge the loss (even if it seems small)

You could try naming what they’re giving up.

Why it might help:Stopping an activity can feel like a real loss to a child, even if the next thing is fine.

Try saying:

• “I know it’s hard to stop when you’re in the middle of something fun.”

• “You wish you could keep playing.”

Make it easier on low-energy days:You don’t need a long talk. One sentence of understanding can go a long way.

3) Offer a bridge between activities

One option is creating a small “in-between” step instead of an abrupt switch.

Why it might help:Bridges help kids shift gradually, not all at once.

Try saying:

• “Let’s pause here, then we’ll walk together to the next thing.”

• “We’ll clean up together for one song, then we’re done.”

Make it easier on low-energy days:Use the same bridge every time—same song, same phrase, same routine.

4) Let the body move first

You could try adding movement before or during transitions.

Why it might help:Transitions aren’t just mental—they’re physical. Movement helps kids reset.

Try saying:

• “Let’s hop to the door together.”

• “Want to do five jumps before we start?”

Make it easier on low-energy days:Keep it tiny. One stretch. One shake. One slow walk.

5) Reduce the words

One option is saying less, not more.

Why it might help:When kids are overwhelmed, lots of instructions can make things harder.

Try saying:

• “Shoes on. I’m here.”

• “It’s time. We’ll do this together.”

Make it easier on low-energy days:Pick one calm phrase you reuse during transitions, so you don’t have to think.

If this feels extra hard

For some children, transitions feel especially intense. This can be true for kids with:

• Anxiety

• ADHD

• Autism

• Sensory sensitivities

• Learning differences

• A history of stress or big changes

  
  

And sometimes, it’s extra hard because we are stretched thin—burnout, work pressure, solo parenting, or just too many long days in a row.

If transitions are causing daily distress for your child or your family, it might help to:

• Talk with teachers about where transitions are hardest

• Notice patterns (time of day, type of activity, hunger, fatigue)

• Reach out for extra support if you’re feeling stuck
  

Not because something is “wrong,” but because parenting is heavy work, and support can lighten the load.